


keep holding on (never look back)

by bellamyblakru



Series: Merthur Week 2020 Fics - Canon Era Oneshots [7]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arthur loves merlin, BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Canon Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Happy Ending, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort with Happy Ending, I love merlin, King Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Lance loves merlin sm they are bffs, M/M, MOSTLY POV ARTHUR BTW, Merlin saves Arthur while hurt bc badassss, Merlin would die for Arthur, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), POV Arthur, POV Merlin (Merlin), Smart Arthur Pendragon, Supportive Lancelot (Merlin), arthur thinks, bc he must notice something up with merlin lmfaoo, bc its me what do u expect, bc we love when he thinks and connects everything that happens, changed by ~~~~, crazy isn’t, give our boy a rest pls, happy last day of merthurweek!!!, he does so much and goes through so much shit let us love him, merthurweek2020, oh probably cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28355829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamyblakru/pseuds/bellamyblakru
Summary: Day 7: Free day + Magic reveal
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merthur Week 2020 Fics - Canon Era Oneshots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2034928
Comments: 12
Kudos: 149
Collections: Merthur Week 2020





	keep holding on (never look back)

Merlin came back limping, barely conscious. The fight was brutal, messy, and unnecessary, but it became inevitable when they wouldn’t stop threatening Arthur—and, well, no one continuously threatens Arthur and survives.

He had forgotten to tell Lance where he was going, and he knew that the knight would be upset again that he didn’t tell him. Merlin sighed on his way to the front gate, honestly too tired to try and sneak in the same way he snuck out. He nodded at the guards who didn’t even blink at his entrance—by this point they were quite used to seeing Merlin this late anyways.

Merlin took a breath in the middle of the courtyard, staring at the stars for a moment—they were always so beautiful at night here in Camelot. His exhaustion hit more forcefully then and he remembered how far away Gaius’s chambers still were—and he wouldn’t make it. His magic responded sadly, still bright inside him, but his body was too tired to do anything with the power simmering within. 

Merlin turned towards the castle’s entrance, deciding at the last minute to try to find Lancelot’s chambers in the lower level with the other knights instead.

_Lancelot will keep me safe until morning, he always does._

Staggering forwards, Merlin made it one corridor down before he tripped over a loose rock, falling violently onto the freezing stone of the castle’s floor. He groaned at the pain lacing through his body—his body screaming at him that it needed to _stop._ Merlin tried to ignore the slight tremor racking throughout his limbs as he tried to pick himself back up.

He couldn’t make it that far. He managed to sit and lean against the abandoned corridor and slotted himself into a dark alcove. He hissed at the pain in his left leg as he adjusted himself, the blood still slightly dripping off the knife wound he wrapped tightly with a piece of his shirt. He just needed some rest. This wasn’t any different from any other time he has come back bloodied and bruised, so he let his head thunk against the solid stone and closed his eyes.

When he wakes up, he _will_ be better—that being his last coherent thought before he let the darkness devour him whole. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Arthur couldn’t find Merlin. He didn’t show up last night, which wasn’t completely unusual, but it was almost noon the next day. He asked Lance, but that was a dead end since Lance seemed just as scared by Merlin’s disappearance. Gaius swore he went out early last night to get herbs, but he hasn’t seen him since either. 

Arthur couldn’t focus. During his morning council, he was half out of it—the space to his right being glaringly void of a goofy smile and smart-ass remarks. 

“Arthur,” Leon leaned towards him, “Would you like me to take over?” 

The man was more perceptive than Arthur thought. Arthur nodded blearily, said his farewell, and took off to the exit. He checked his room one more time before scouting the entire castle—maybe the idiot got lost. 

Thinking Gwaine might have seen him, Arthur ran out of his room towards the knight’s chambers. The castle was quiet today—too quiet for his liking. 

As he was jogging at this point, he might have missed the ragged breathing coming from a darken alcove in this corridor if he hadn’t stopped to catch his own breath. The watery cough came through the darkness and Arthur’s heart faltered. 

“Merlin?” 

He could see the muddied boots, the blood soaked pants, the red cloth wrapped horribly around his left thigh. 

“Merlin?” Arthur walked closer, a gasp involuntarily coming out of him when he saw the state of his servant. 

“Ar’ur? Late for bre’fast?” Merlin’s eyes fluttered open, barely, and he looked up at Arthur. 

“Ok?” Merlin asked, staring at Arthur like he was the one bleeding out and not himself. 

“Merlin, what happened to you?!”

Arthur bent down, kneeling next to his friend, feeling his forehead. 

“Got st’bbed,” Merlin laughed weakly, “See!” He pointed his bloody hand at his blood soaked pants, “Though, it might’ve been poison.” Merlin frowned at his statement, “My magic should’ve, you know, been fas’er if it wasn’t poison. Yeah? Lance will help me”

Arthur blinked, confused, before he gently picked him up, “Alright Merlin. You are speaking a lot of rubbish. But, it’s okay. I got you now. Gaius will take care of you.”

Merlin grinned happily against Arthur’s chest, “T’ank you, Ar’ur, tis is why I love you.”

Arthur’s heart stumbled but he didn’t break his pace, “Yeah, how about we save the love confessions until you are sound of mind, hm?”

Merlin gave him a loopy smile, “I do love you, Ar’ur Pen’gon. It’s why I protect you! Duh. Love, love, love.”

Arthur tried to ignore his servant, who was obviously talking through major blood loss, but once Merlin started singing, “love Arthur, love you,” he couldn’t help the stupid smile that crossed his own face. It was nice to be told that someone loves you, even if that someone was currently drooling, confused, and still leaking blood. His smile faded once he noticed how pale and cold Merlin felt, so he started running as fast as he could.

Passing the knights’ rooms, he yelled for Lancelot as he continued to Gaius’s. He heard the extra pair of footsteps behind him catch up, “Sire! What happened to Merlin?”

“I was wondering if you could tell me,” Arthur sighed, “He said that you would help him?”

He saw Lance’s face go blank, obviously trying to hide something, but Arthur did not have time to tell him to spit it out—not with Merlin on the line.

When they finally made it to Gaius’s, Arthur kicked the door open violently, striding in and placing Merlin directly on the cot he knows is for the hurt.

“My boy! Arthur, what happened?” Arthur watched as Gaius quickly replaced his concern for his ward into his physician mask, addressing Merlin with a purely clinical eye. Arthur and Lance backed up, giving the man some space, and Arthur glanced at Lance’s worried face.

“You knew nothing about this?”

Lance looked at him briefly before looking back at Merlin, “No, sire. I had no idea he was out.”

Arthur heard the undertone of anger and upset in his voice, “Oh?”

“Yes, sire.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes but before he asked another question, Gaius came up to them looking more shaken than Arthur had ever seen him.

Lance walked closer, eagerness in every movement, “He will be alright, won’t he, Gaius? He always is.”

Gaius nodded his head slowly, briefly giving Arthur an unreadable expression, “Yes, I am afraid that he has lost a lot of blood and the wound was inflicted with a poison that slowed his healing process, but now that I added the right antidote and wrapped it correctly, he should be just fine. He will need much rest, and he will probably be a little out of it for a while. Losing that much blood can have some side effects, as you probably know.”

They nodded their heads as Lance asked, “Can I talk to him?”

“Of course. Sire, would you be able to get us some fresh water? I am afraid I used it all on Merlin’s injury.”

Arthur nodded, “Of course,” and he watched as Lance and Gaius moved around Merlin, like they’ve done this a lot. That thought made him pause. This has happened before, hasn’t it?

He thought about eavesdropping on them but thought better of it. If they wanted him to know, then they would tell him, right? This sat incredibly wrong with him. Merlin was _his_ responsibility. His manservant, his best friend, _his_ Merlin. Arthur walked thoughtlessly to the fountain in the courtyard, watching how his people moved in controlled chaos. If he couldn’t protect Merlin from this secret threat, then what good was he?

He pondered this as he poured some of the water into the bucket, not noticing the few people yelling. When someone bumped into him, he looked up to see that his courtyard was no longer controlled—it was just chaos. 

He dropped the water, pulling out Excalibur, and ran towards the yelling. A few feet outside of Camelot’s walls were three witches holding three of his citizens at knifepoint. 

The one in the middle laughed when she saw him run towards them, “There he is! The great king of Camelot. Emrys talked highly of you.”

 _Emrys_? “Let my people go, now! It’s me you want.”

The one on the left smirked, “That’s very presumptuous of you, Little King.”

Arthur scowled, “Am I not who you are looking for? Now. Let. Them. Go.”

The leader gave the two a small nod, letting his people go, and then they threw a spell at Arthur to freeze in place. 

Arthur scoffed, surprised to find that he could still talk while the rest of his body remained motionless, “You freeze a man in a fight? How is that fair?” 

The one on the right rushed forwards, a knife to under Arthur’s chin in seconds, “Fair? The son of Uther Pendragon telling us we fight unfairly? What about the mothers, children, and thousands of innocents you and your lovely father murdered in cold blood for years? Fairness is apparently subjective for the Pendragons. We can be slaughtered without you blinking an eye, but the minute we fight back, you cry life is unfair? Try living under your father rule, watching as your family is hung, stabbed, and burned for breathing, then come talk to me about how unfair life is.”

Arthur felt his eyes water, feeling the pure agony in this woman's voice, and he choked out, “I haven’t...I wouldn’t..”

The leader laughed again, “Sara, you made the king cry! Nicely done.”

Sara, apparently, did not care for the compliment as she shoved the knife harder at Arthur’s throat, “You, Arthur Pendragon, speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!”

Arthur’s mind halted at the words. He told his father those exact words when he thought that Uther’s hatred for magic was a response of guilt, grief, and misplaced blame. He was about to speak, not knowing what he was going to say, when he heard a voice behind him.

“Sara. Get away from the King. Now.”

_Merlin?!_

Sara chuckled darkly, “There is the man of the hour. Traitor to his own kin, isn’t that right, Emrys?”

_Merlin?_

Merlin stepped next to Arthur then, and Arthur recognized this Merlin. This was the one who fought tooth and nail for Arthur, the one who was wise and was incredibly loyal to a fault...but somehow more _powerful?_ Arthur could tell by how Merlin held himself, still in his bloodied clothing, that he was the one in control. If Merlin was Emrys, then that means…

“I said: back the fuck up, Sara, and take that knife with you. You came back for me, am I right?”

Sara obliged, still with that dark smile, raising her hands in fake surrender, “As your majesty wishes.”

_Majesty?_

Merlin flicked his eyes to Arthur, and Arthur saw them soften: “I am so sorry Arthur, I thought I had this handled last night, but they won’t hurt you. Not while I’m here. I wish you found out in a better way, but at least I can stop lying now, right?” 

Merlin gave one last sad smile at him, and with a face of pure resignation, he snapped his fingers. Arthur fell to the ground, his legs unsteady underneath him. Emrys, the gold eyes, the aura of power and strength—Merlin had magic...powerful magic. His breath caught in his throat as he looked back up at Merlin, who had already turned towards the witches. He couldn’t think straight. 

The leader walked forwards, “Thought you scared us away, did you? It takes more than killing a few of us to stop us, Emrys. You should know this by now.”

Merlin’s back straightened, the air surrounding him pulsing with an unseen energy at his servant’s beck and call, allowing Arthur to notice the wound from before. It was still wrapped up, and he was still deathly pale, but the blood had stopped dripping and he looked much better than he did just moments ago. Was that his magic, then? Would Arthur have known if Merlin was ever hurt if Merlin’s magic could just heal him that quickly? How many times has he been hurt without help? Why had his Merlin been hurt at all?

“You threatened _my_ King, Jane. You should know this by now how that goes.”

Arthur blinked, slowly understanding. He had been hurt protecting him. _Him,_ the son of Uther Pendragon, the son of the mass murderer. Arthur realized belatedly how much this made sense. Every adventure, every monster, every bandit attack, where they were outnumbered, and outmatched, they would always all come out alive if Merlin was with them. Random tripping, branches, miraculous deaths, every time it was to save _him._

Memories flooded back to him then, to Merlin saying “I’ll be at your side, like I always am. Protecting you,” and every quip that he ever made about saving Arthur’s backside more times than he could count—he was never lying.

Arthur saw these little things that never added up in the past, but he always refused to think what it meant. If his servant was magical, that meant he was evil, didn’t it? And Merlin, _his_ Merlin, was anything but evil.

The witch had a point. Arthur was no better than his father. He was ignorant and cruel like his father before him. Merlin had stopped Arthur from killing him that day in the throne room, so Arthur would bet that Merlin stopped him for his own good. And wasn’t that something to behold? Merlin could have told him the entire journey back that he thought the circumstances of his birth were not true, but he didn’t. Not until Arthur would have committed patricide. Magic would have been freed, but Arthur would have been haunted by his actions for the rest of his life. And Merlin, the powerful, magical man in front of him, defending him bloodied and limping, chose Arthur instead. 

The leader smirked, “This time we are not caught off guard, so we are better prepared to face you Emrys.”

Merlin sagged a little, “I highly doubt that. I’ll give you all one more chance to walk away and to never threaten, or touch, Arthur Pendragon ever again.”

The girl on the left sneered and threw a fireball at Merlin, who batted it away without hesitation. Merlin tsked, “Ash, this is a mistake. You and I both know how this will end.”

She growled, throwing another burst of magic at Merlin who threw a solid gold shield in front of him and Arthur. _Always thinking of my safety,_ Arthur watched with badly concealed amazement at the man in front of him. _Magic, huh? All this time and he never sought any credit._

Merlin started chanting then, moving his hands in a circular motion, as the three witches made a wall of fire in front of them—combining their efforts.

Arthur watched how the ground shook at Merlin’s voice, how the wind picked up, how the clouds formed with rumbling thunder in the distance. Merlin wasn’t just anybody with magic, then. 

He heard Merlin’s strong voice over the sound of the wind, “I am the son of the earth, the sea, the sky. Magic is the fabric of this world, and I was born of this magic. I _am_ magic itself. This has been my third warning against the threats made against my King from you, and now my patience has run out. You will be stripped of your magic, and of your memories of coming to Camelot, but you will know his name. Spread it far and wide that Arthur Pendragon’s protector is not leaving anytime soon.”

The witches gasped as one as they fell to their knees, vanishing from the grounds in a puff of smoke, and Arthur saw Merlin sighed out in relief before he turned to face him.

Arthur watched, amazed, how the gold slowly receded from Merlin’s eyes, yet some specks remain. As Merlin’s face softened at Arthur’s, the sky cleared and the ground stopped rumbling. Arthur saw how pale Merlin still looked as the man kneeled in front of him, presenting Excalibur.

Arthur gasped as he saw where Merlin was going with this, and he started shaking his head the minute Merlin bowed his own.

“Arthur, I am yours—in heart, in body, and in soul. I was born with magic, Arthur, and I use it for you and you alone. However, you possess the only weapon that can kill me, if that is your will.”

Arthur crawled forwards quickly, grabbing Merlin’s face with both of his hands, and found Merlin’s face streaming with tears. How much has this man done for him, seeking no reward but to keep Arthur safe, just to believe that Arthur would strike him down for saving him once more? 

“Merlin, no,” Arthur breathed, “No one is dying today.”

Merlin’s eyes shone with confusion, “You don’t hate me? I’ve lied, and I used magic, and I…”

Arthur stopped him with a bone-crushing hug, “Merlin,” he said into Merlin’s neck, “I’ve been thinking for awhile now how magic isn’t all bad, and you, my friend, are my prime example. My father did commit all those murders from his grief and wrongly placed blame, didn’t he?”

He knew the answer, but he needed Merlin to say it. 

Merlin leaned back to look at Arthur’s face and nodded sadly, “Yes. I promise Arthur, no more lying. I stopped you from killing Uther because...because I knew how much that would have destroyed you.”

Arthur nodded, already thinking of that, and gave Merlin a wet smile, wanting a change of topic, “So, how is your leg?”

Merlin blinked, surprised, “Oh! It’s good. Gaius put some medicine that helped get the toxins out, and well, my magic did the rest. Although, I can’t remember getting there. I hear I have you to thank for that.”

Arthur smiled again, “Don’t remember confessing your love to me, then?”

Merlin squeaked, “I did not.”

Arthur grinned, wiping the tears off Merlin’s cheeks, “Hmm, so if I kissed you now, you wouldn’t like that, would you? That’s unfortunate, really, because I am quite a decent kisser. But, alas, I—”

Merlin slammed into Arthur’s lips, forcing Arthur on his back, and Arthur smiled into it, holding tightly to his warlock.

There was a long road ahead of them, but Arthur knew that if he kept holding onto this wonderful man, they could accomplish anything. First freeing magic, then creating their Albion...this was their world for the taking and Arthur couldn’t have pick a better person to rule besides him. 

**Author's Note:**

> IM NOT CRYING YOU ARE  
> jfc we made it to the end of merthurweek😭😭thank you everyone who has participated, either by writing, creating, commenting, drawing, or anything else, during this wonderful week. it’s been so much fucking fun to watch so much talent come together at once. i adore you all so much, i cannot thank you enough 🥺💞
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this last day from me!! if you want, please come say hello and/or talk to me about these lovable idiots that we adore on tumblr at @bellamyblakru 
> 
> ill be back soon on here with another merthur fic (eventually)🥺 thank you all. you guys are fucking amazing 😭❤️
> 
> (title: stand tall by jatp)


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